So, even though I said I would start this back up in March, it's September already, and I posted nothing. Sorry bout that, I should be posting more often now. :)
What have I been up to you ask? Just the usual stuff. Y'know...college, my first car, my first courses, and so on. Nothing too terribly exciting.
Aww...who am I kiddin?! Of course I'm thrilled! College has been the most amazing thing anyone could ever ask for, it beats high school by a mile! So far I'm looking into majoring in pre-Nursing, hopefully that is the way G-d want's me to go. Speaking of G-d, I think I'll write about Him for a bit. You see, I haven't been praying or studying for a while, and as a result have been terribly away from Him. I'm sure most of you know about that feeling. Of being lonely, yet people tell you that He's there. But you're lonely, so that would imply that you can't feel Him...which you don't! How hard could it be to feel and know the Creator of you, me, the universe? How hard it could it be to talk to Him like friend to friend, son to father? To lean on Him when temptation and stress start bulging in on your life? How hard it could it be for the Creator of the universe to let Himself be known? To a college student! I mean, this is the age where we are searching for all kinds of truths! The truth of caring, nursing, rationalizing, the way the world works, is there a god? How hard is it to show just a itsy-bitsy teeny tiny itty bitty sign? It honestly can't be THAT hard. For the L-rd of the Universe? Come on...But who am I kidding...do I really want to know the most powerful being in all of life? If so, why? Why should I? To make my life better? The Bible says to not be selfish. Honestly, if I would truly want to answer the question, I would have to say that I want to know Him so I can rest. I know I only had a couple years of life, and according to statistics will have another 50-80 years left, but I am so tired. Tired of searching, of waiting, of wanting to know. Of all the responsibilities, of the false promises. Promises like, if you just go to your quiet place you will be alright. I do that. And I'm not alright after the 2 hours I'm there. During the 2 hours I'm just fine, but afterwards I'm back. Man it's hard...
I don't wanna grow up...I'm a Toys'R'Us kid.
I wonder how many other people feel this way. Not just of the tiredness of life and responsibilities, but of searching for G-d. If you are, could ya comment and let me know? It sounds terribly selfish, but sometimes it's good to know that I'm not alone. Of course, if you feel this way, you probably just want to be left alone. Like me. So many people, so many things, so fast. I diet and workout to change my body. But that's not the real reason. Ok, I diet to keep myself healthy, but then I workout to get that good feeling...and especially to be alone. In the gym everyone concentrates on their workouts, not on each other. So I workout, and I love working out alone. Don't get me wrong, I like working out with friends too, but nothing beats working out solo. Just me and the machines and dumbells.
I have so much to tell and so little time. It's 10pm already, and I got Biology at 7:45am tomorrow. Better go to sleep, especially if I don't want to fall asleep during my breaks. I need to study for that exam.
Thank you for reading this and I apologize for my tone. But this is my journal, so to speak, one of these days it will actually sound like one. :)
G-d bless,
sc
What have I been up to you ask? Just the usual stuff. Y'know...college, my first car, my first courses, and so on. Nothing too terribly exciting.
Aww...who am I kiddin?! Of course I'm thrilled! College has been the most amazing thing anyone could ever ask for, it beats high school by a mile! So far I'm looking into majoring in pre-Nursing, hopefully that is the way G-d want's me to go. Speaking of G-d, I think I'll write about Him for a bit. You see, I haven't been praying or studying for a while, and as a result have been terribly away from Him. I'm sure most of you know about that feeling. Of being lonely, yet people tell you that He's there. But you're lonely, so that would imply that you can't feel Him...which you don't! How hard could it be to feel and know the Creator of you, me, the universe? How hard it could it be to talk to Him like friend to friend, son to father? To lean on Him when temptation and stress start bulging in on your life? How hard it could it be for the Creator of the universe to let Himself be known? To a college student! I mean, this is the age where we are searching for all kinds of truths! The truth of caring, nursing, rationalizing, the way the world works, is there a god? How hard is it to show just a itsy-bitsy teeny tiny itty bitty sign? It honestly can't be THAT hard. For the L-rd of the Universe? Come on...But who am I kidding...do I really want to know the most powerful being in all of life? If so, why? Why should I? To make my life better? The Bible says to not be selfish. Honestly, if I would truly want to answer the question, I would have to say that I want to know Him so I can rest. I know I only had a couple years of life, and according to statistics will have another 50-80 years left, but I am so tired. Tired of searching, of waiting, of wanting to know. Of all the responsibilities, of the false promises. Promises like, if you just go to your quiet place you will be alright. I do that. And I'm not alright after the 2 hours I'm there. During the 2 hours I'm just fine, but afterwards I'm back. Man it's hard...
I don't wanna grow up...I'm a Toys'R'Us kid.
I wonder how many other people feel this way. Not just of the tiredness of life and responsibilities, but of searching for G-d. If you are, could ya comment and let me know? It sounds terribly selfish, but sometimes it's good to know that I'm not alone. Of course, if you feel this way, you probably just want to be left alone. Like me. So many people, so many things, so fast. I diet and workout to change my body. But that's not the real reason. Ok, I diet to keep myself healthy, but then I workout to get that good feeling...and especially to be alone. In the gym everyone concentrates on their workouts, not on each other. So I workout, and I love working out alone. Don't get me wrong, I like working out with friends too, but nothing beats working out solo. Just me and the machines and dumbells.
I have so much to tell and so little time. It's 10pm already, and I got Biology at 7:45am tomorrow. Better go to sleep, especially if I don't want to fall asleep during my breaks. I need to study for that exam.
Thank you for reading this and I apologize for my tone. But this is my journal, so to speak, one of these days it will actually sound like one. :)
G-d bless,
sc
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